“But Lord, What About This Man?”

Michelle Omo - Singer
Michelle grew up in Arlington, Texas. After graduating college and working in the marketplace for a few years in College Station, Texas, she moved to IHOP in August 2008. Her desire is to be provoked daily to love Jesus more and to continually learn how to fellowship with Him anytime and anywhere. She desires to sing the Father's love and His healing straight into the human heart.

 

Picture this story from John 21:
Peter has just betrayed Jesus three times after emphatically declaring that he would never deny Him.  Jesus has just been crucified and His disciples have returned to their former occupations.  After His miraculous resurrection, Jesus has just revealed Himself to His disciples as they are out fishing.  Jesus ate breakfast with them then turns His focus upon Peter in order to restore Peter’s heart as they walk along.  Jesus then continues to tell Peter what type of death he would die for Jesus’ sake implying that Peter will never deny Jesus again.  How tender and gracious of Jesus to call out Peter’s identity in the midst of Peter’s guilt and shame and then declare that Peter will love Jesus to his death. He ended His affirmation of Peter by asking Him to follow Him.  What was Peter’s response?  He looked back at John following behind them who was known as “the disciple whom Jesus loved who also had leaned on His breast at the supper,” and Peter said “But Lord, what about this man?”  Peter’s heart was now revealed.  Peter heard how he would die, but he had to know how John was going to die.  How will the two compare? Even after Jesus restored, affirmed, and directed Peter, Peter still had comparison and envy in His heart and was measuring himself with John.  How did Jesus respond?  Jesus said to him, “If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow me.” 

Whew.  These words of Jesus pierce my heart.  As I see Peter comparing himself to John, an obvious root of envy had planted itself in Peter’s heart during the time that they had followed Jesus while He was on the earth.  And even after Jesus affirmed Peter’s identity, Peter was still measuring himself against his fellow brother.  Jesus basically said, “Peter, your measurements don’t actually matter.  What is it to you what I do in John’s life.  I’m not asking you to be like John or like anyone else.  I’m asking you to be like Me.  You follow Me.” 

Envy is a trap.  And we have all fallen into it at some point in our lives.  If we are truly honest with ourselves, we would recognize that it is something we struggle with every day in some arena of our lives.  It may have even fueled our decisions for most of our lives.  It is hard to admit that we are envious because many times we think we have outgrown that or we are more spiritually mature than that.  However, envy has most likely matured with us and has rooted itself deeper in our lives if we have not acknowledged it for what it is, sin, and repented of it.  We may not openly display our desire for something that another person possesses like we did as children.  We may not throw outright tantrums or fits anymore when we want something someone else has, however envy still exists within us and has been most likely influencing us as we make our daily decisions. 

Envy is fueled by the fear of man.  The more that I take my eyes off of Jesus and place them on myself or on other people, I begin to let fear of man drive me.  When I let envy into my heart, I begin to live for the praise of man.  The fear of man becomes what motivates my decisions and my actions even when I do not realize it.  The heart so easily deceives.  I see someone who seemingly sings better and I want to sing like her so I take lessons all the while keeping her as my standard in my lessons.  I think, as soon as I can sing like her, I will have arrived.  Or I encounter someone who seemingly has a lot of revelation of the knowledge of God and articulates it so well.  So I study and study trying to gain the revelation they have or try to memorize the way they articulate things thinking that once I can do that, I will get somewhere.  I’m not saying that looking up to people is bad.  If I can do it in a healthy way, it can actually spur me on to greater godliness.  However, if it is fueled by the fear of man and personal ambition instead of by the love and humility of Christ, I will live my life with an unrelenting competition in my head in every arena of my life and I will arrive nowhere yet worn out once I’m there. 

We tend to deal with comparison two ways. Either we will so want to be like, look like, sound like, or act like someone else so much that we will spend our time, money and energy trying to be just like them.  Or we will get out our measuring stick and find ourselves wanting, thinking that we can never keep up, so we just take ourselves out of the game even if we are a vital part of it.  I am more prone to deal with envy in the latter way.  I find myself thinking, “If he/she is so much better at singing, why should I even sing?” or  “If he/she is much better in this area or that area, why do I even try?  There’s no need for me.”  How depressing! How distracting!  How easily do I take my gaze off of Jesus and ask, “But Lord, what about this man/woman?” 

Many times, we envy others because we do not have a true grasp on our identity.  We spend so much time trying to be like someone else that our very own identity gets lost in our ambitions.  We so easily wrap our identity around anything other than Jesus.  Whether it is physical appearance, gifting, intelligence, possessions, finances, friendship circles, life callings, and on and on, we allow the praise of man in any of these areas to give us our identity rather than allowing our very Creator to give us our identity. 

The way to break free from envy, comparison, and competition is to turn on the light.  Invite the light of Christ to shine into your heart.  When our sinfulness is brought into the light, only then can we obtain freedom.   The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? (Psalm 27:1)  If I continually ask Jesus to shine the light of His face into my heart and invite Him to cleanse me, purge me, refine me, fill me with His light, I will begin to recognize that which controls my thoughts, which eventually controls my actions.   It is His kindness to reveal my darkness and give me His light in its place. 

When I encounter envy and comparison on worship teams, I have two options.  I can either count myself out and live in defeat, thinking I’ll never measure up.  Or I can repent and ask Jesus to shine His light in my heart.  God promises that when we confess our sins, He is quick to forgive.  And with forgiveness comes freedom!   In doing so, He gives me His perspective and lifts my eyes to meet His.  In His eyes, I see my identity and no longer need to compete with anyone else.  Jesus didn’t ask me to be like anyone else other than Him.  He didn’t ask me to follow anyone else but him.  So while I have to remind myself this Truth every day, even during worship sets, and ask the Holy Spirit to bring the Truth to my mind when I so easily forget, He graciously shines His light as I invite Him to cleanse me.  He affirms my identity as I fix my eyes upon Him.  And He strengthens me as I follow Him. 

© 2012 Michelle Omo