Comparison

I often find there is a “catch 22” to envy and comparison in my life.  In the past I’ve led worship teams, and the #1 struggle was definitely comparing myself to how others led worship. But there were 2 sides to this coin. I’d like to call it a conversation with myself that went a lot like this:

BEFORE leading worship: “Joy, what are you doing? You know you can’t pull this off! There are way more talented and qualified leaders out there that would nail this set! That worship leader over there has a better leading style with their team, and I’m sure they practice more!” and on and on!  *WHEW* what a battle in my mind! But the argument wasn’t over… because here’s the conversation I’d later have… 

AFTER leading worship:  “O yeah! That was so good! Joy your voice was amazing.. the anointing was there! *BUMMER* You just fell into a prideful spirit. That other worship leader is so humble, unlike you Joy!  I’m sure other worship leaders who have wonderful voices don’t have this prideful spirit you are carrying!”  

I tell you what; it’s pretty tiring to have that conversation in your head every time you’re trying to lead others into the presence of God! 

The Lord has had to do some work on my heart over this, and there is one key that has helped me when I’m hit with the spirit of envy and comparison; and it’s this: when I am up there, leading worship, there is just ONE person that I’m giving my gift to… and that’s Jesus. I began to think of it more like a big living room, where I had Jesus’ undivided attention, and I wouldjust sing to Him! This greatly helps in the battle of comparing yourself to others – because no matter how amazing other people’s talents are, you know that only YOU can sing YOUR song to Jesus. Only your friends can sing their particular song to Jesus that touches Jesus like no one else can. 

Jesus gives you your own, unique expression, voice, and talent. He did it with the joyful hope that it would be poured back on Him – and He crafted it so that the one unique expression would touch him like no other expression would. 

He is so joyful when we give OUR expression to Him – and not the attempt at mimicking someone else’s song just because we think it sounds better to our own ears. Truly only Jesus knows what He loves.  

I am truly fighting for this truth to become real, not just in music, but in EVERY area of my life!

© 2012 Joy Phillips